How to start a cold email that doesn’t read like a template

Most cold emails get judged in a few seconds. The subject line is the part most likely to be seen. Everything else is a gamble on that first impression. I covered the subject line side in my post on cold email subject lines.

This one’s about the next part of the gamble, the first line. A lot of email apps show it as a preview next to the subject, so it gets read before the email is even opened. Some don’t (Thunderbird on desktop, for one). Either way, it’s the first thing anyone reads once they click. If it says “I hope this email finds you well,” they already know what kind of email it is.

Most advice on how to start a cold email comes down to two things: the greeting and the first sentence. The examples here come from hundreds of spam emails and dozens of genuine pitches from my own inbox, which I used to test a cold email checker.

Start with their name

“Hi” or “Hello,” then their first name. Nothing more needed.

There’s some data on this, though not from cold email. Boomerang looked at the opening words of over 300,000 email threads in 2017. Threads that opened with “hey,” “hello” or “hi” got replies more often than ones that opened with “dear” or “greetings.” The emails came from public online communities, so treat it as a hint.

The greetings that do real damage are the ones admitting you don’t know who you’re writing to:

• “Dear Sir,” “Dear Madam,” “Sir/Madam”
• “To whom it may concern”
• “Dear Partner”
• “Hi dear”
• “Respected Sir”

“Hi dear” is the worst of the lot. It shows up regularly in the spam I tested against, and not once in the genuine pitches. It also reads like a birthday card from a great-aunt.

No name to be found? Write to the team: “Hi Acme team.” Weaker than a name, but at least it isn’t pretending.

How to start a cold email in the first sentence

The first sentence tells them why you’re writing to them. That’s its whole job.

You can go straight to the reason: “I’m writing about the broken link on your resources page.” Or you can open with something specific you noticed and get to the reason a sentence later: “Your guide to packaging sizes still links to a supplier that closed last year. I run a similar list and can send you a working replacement.”

The reader can check either one, and that’s what shows them you actually looked.

Say who you are early, too. One line does it: “I’m Ana, I edit the blog at Example.com.” An email that won’t say who sent it makes people wary fast. Keep it to that one line, though. Name, role, company. Nobody asked for the bio.

About personalisation. Some cold email vendors say personalised first lines double reply rates. I couldn’t find published data behind that. And in my test set, lines like “I read your article” turned up in spam and never in the genuine pitches. The set’s small, so that alone proves little. It does show spammers use these lines without a second thought. What still helps is a detail that’s specific and true, the kind nobody could paste into a thousand emails.

The openers everyone skims past

Wellbeing filler comes first, because it’s everywhere. “I hope this email finds you well.” “Hope you’re doing well.” “How are you?” Nobody answers these, and nobody expects them to.

Next are the lines that describe writing instead of saying something: “I am reaching out,” “I wanted to reach out,” “I am writing to,” “Allow me to introduce.” Their close cousins are “I recently came across your site” and “I came across your blog.” If you found something, say what it was.

Asking permission is its own category. “Do you have a moment?” “Sorry to bother you.” “I know you’re busy.” “I was wondering if.” The email’s already sent. Asking now just hands them an easy no.

The odd one out is a follow-up opener in a first email: “Just following up,” “As per my last email.” Even in a real follow-up these are weak, and a first email has nothing to follow up on.

Most of the time the fix is to delete the line. The sentence after it is usually where the email actually starts.

When the email gives away the mailing software

Some mistakes aren’t about wording at all. They show the email went out in bulk.

The obvious one is an unfilled merge tag, “{First Name}” or “[COMPANY]” sitting right there in the text. Nobody misses that. Check every placeholder before sending.

Bulk tools leave quieter marks too: a first line that repeats the subject, a postal address at the bottom, an unsubscribe link. In a newsletter that’s normal. In a one-to-one email with no greeting, it’s a giveaway.

Faking a history is another one. A “Re:” on a first email pretends you’ve already talked. Some senders go further and paste an “On Monday, John wrote:” block underneath. Plenty of the spam in my set did this, and none of the genuine emails did.

Last, the two-line email with no clue who sent it. A real person writing to one reader usually says who they are.

Before and after: three ways to start a cold email

Before:

“Dear Sir/Madam, I hope this email finds you well. My name is John and I am reaching out because I came across your website.”

After:

“Hi Maria, your post on shipping fragile items mentions double-wall boxes but doesn’t link to a sizing chart. I’m John, I run the packaging guide at Example.com, and we have one you could use.”

Before:

“Hi dear, how are you? I hope you are doing well. Do you have a moment to discuss a partnership?”

After:

“Hi Dan, I saw you’re hiring a second content writer. I place freelance editors with SaaS blogs and have two who’ve written about invoicing tools.”

Before:

“{First Name}, just following up on my previous email.”

After:

“Hi Priya, last week I sent you a topic idea on cold storage costs. Here’s a second one in case the first didn’t fit: how small cafés cut fridge energy use.”

What the checker looks for in the opener

Cold Email Critic scores the opener as one of five sections, out of 20 points. It takes points off for:

• each template phrase from the lists above (minus 4 points each, anywhere in the email, not only the first line)
• unfilled merge tags (minus 10)
• no greeting combined with bulk-mail marks (minus 12, more if there are several)
• a quoted fake thread in a first email (minus 8)
• a short email with no sign of who sent it (minus 10)

It doesn’t give points for personalisation, for the reason above. A high score only means it found no red flags. Whether the email is any good still comes down to your offer.

Paste your next draft into Cold Email Critic and look at the opener section first.